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December 12th, 2004

06:34 pm - In the end, everything....d- *sigh* My aunt has been fighting cancer since I was just starting high school. Ever time the cancer came back, she conquered it..and conquered it..over and over again. I never worried about it because she was such a fighter. But the cancer has now come back with such- ferocity... There are no more options left in terms of medicine, and the doctors gave her 1-2 months. She has three beautiful children, a loving husband, and four loyal sisters. One very young daughter. She's so important to all of us, and I don't want this Christmas to pass.. ..because she won't be there next year.. I can't handle this anymore. Current Mood: crushed Current Music: Coldplay- The Scientist

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August 6th, 2004

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July 14th, 2004

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July 1st, 2004

11:02 pm - Fruits unshelled. I decided today that, upon my death, cremation would be most appropriate. Not just for conservation of land and resources. I want a wake where people come and examine photographs, awards, everything that represents my personality...not my shell. I attended the wake for my grandfather tonight, and I couldn't look at his body. And I couldn't stand seeing other people crowding around the casket. It doesn't matter. It never did. I don't want the last memory of me to be my body on display, because that was never the important part of my purpose. It's not the tool that matters, but the work accomplished. Oh, and my funeral's going to be one big kickass party. ...and you're all invited. Techno, baby. -e-x-i-t- Current Mood: satisfied Current Music: Goo Goo Dolls - Black Balloon

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October 4th, 2003

07:38 pm - I love to breathe with you... So Aaron and I are sitting around listening to some live tracks from Jason Mraz, and I didn't notice until now how absolutely phenomenal his voice is. *having a musical orgasm*. mmkay...now my burning desire for an acoustic guitar is unbearable, but maybe it'll happen since I'm working 2 jobs on a regular basis now (*cough* cursed ice cream cones). I guess until then I can putz around on my ampless electric guitar with strings that don't stay in tune for more than 3 half-assed chords. I'll get by... It'll give me time to find my creative nook again, seeing as how I haven't written a poem in months and I'm feeling a bit poetically softspoken, especially now that I have so much explosive emotion now that I've found "the one". For the first time, I'm genuinely filled to the brim with content, damn near exploding, and all this wonderful music isn't helping, seeing as how it's the outlet I crave most... You know how it is when you're listening to some awesome vocals and you just start to sway, so compelled to sing along (but still just keeping quiet and tapping your foot) and you can almost feel your lungs expanding with the choked up chords begging for release? Yeah...it's the best frustration I've come to know... Anybody have a good idea for a song? Current Mood: content Current Music: Jason Mraz- You and I

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September 18th, 2003

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September 16th, 2003

11:55 am - Succumb to the quicksand.. So I finally got a live journal, thanks to precious Amanda! *hugs* thanks again! I've had this burning desire for public rantingself-mockeryreflectionventing for so long, although I've had this journal for about a week now and have failed to complete a single entry until now... maybe because right now all these spectacular things are stable and entry after entry would contain the same love-saturated speeches and such... But what else can you do when you've found your soul mate? So I press our chests together To feel your heart speaking Quietly, Like serenity awakened from Nostalgia, where innocence and truth Merge, and we tend to Blend and blur… Current Mood: anxious Current Music: A Perfect Circle

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